Author and pastor Charles Stone uses Barna Research in his article to discuss how pastors last handled conflict and frustration in their church. The top two responses were “Prayed About the Issue” at 37% and “Confronted the Issue Immediately” at 34%. Stone argues that most pastors respond with one of these two extremes. It is either all God or all us.
“Can we achieve a healthier balance?” Stone asks.
Only a small amount of pastors said that they both prayed and responded immediately – 13%. Stone, quoting the Barna Group says: “Prayer is great, but is it a means to hear from the Holy Spirit or a way to delay a decision or confrontation…and…those who say they confront something immediately do so without prayer, Scripture guidance, or input from advisors.”
The most troubling statistic in my opinion is that only 2% said that the first response that he or she had to conflict was self-examination. Stone, quoting Jim Collins, says that the metaphor we need look to when things do not go well is that of a mirror and not a window. The temptation of a window is to look at others as the source of the frustration, but great leaders only look out the window in order to praise others.
So how do you respond in ministry or life in general when frustrations and conflict come? Do you avoid confrontation with “spiritual” exercises or do you charge in like a bull? How much self-reflection do you do?
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ReplyDeleteI also found it alarming that only 2% of the respondents used self-examination in dealing with conflict. I was further disturbed when I noted that only 9% talked to the person involved with the conflict and only 10% sought counsel from a trusted advisor. It is troubling that the prevailing tendency in ministry is to go it alone when dealing with difficult situations. In addition, although 4% is a small percentage, addressing the issue from the pulpit would seem to be a potentially abusive or passive aggressive manner in which to resolve conflict.
ReplyDeleteIn describing the hawk leadership analogy, Stone likens the leader who deflects all responsibility from himself or herself to a predator who surveys the territory for unsuspecting victims. While he did not use it for that 4% that I find so concerning, I believe it is a fair analogy. To choose to use the pulpit as the means of conflict resolution is to deliberately exert the power of the pulpit for personal advantage. Whomever the preacher has a conflict with does not have the benefit of responding in a similar manner. Being in the pulpit carries responsibility and power and requires humility and restraint in order to maintain the trust that position engenders.