This quarter we’ve talked a lot about charismatic leadership. There are some leaders who just seem to attract others to them. When this leader is excited about a new project, he or she is able to get those around them excited as well. In the book Laws of Charisma, Kurt Mortensen describes 7 charisma killers. These seven behaviors have a way of stealing both a leaders charisma and ability to influence others. The seven charisma killers are 1. talking too much, 2. showing how much you know, 3. getting too friendly too fast, 4. getting too comfortable too fast, 5. proxemics (not respecting personal space), 6. being one sided with you facts, and 7. arguing or trying to prove you are right. While this list certainly isn’t exhaustive, these are 7 behaviors that can definitely steal a leader’s ability to influence and receive respect from others. I really like number 6. If a leader is trying to bring correction to someone on their team, and they’re only focusing on one side, the person receiving the correction will simply not feel heard. A leader gains credibility with a team member when they are able to display that they understand what the person has been going through, or understand the situation that the team member is currently in. Steam rolling someone and not acknowledging the existing circumstances, problems, etc. of a situation will cause someone to check out fast. As we acknowledge the good things that our team members are doing, they are then more likely to receive correction well.
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ReplyDeleteI think that you are 100 percent right about number 6. You talk about a steamroller approach to conflict management. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen the issue behind the problem or the feelings of the individual bringing the issue up have been completely disregarded. In an effort to protect the steamrolling individual, one aspect of the grievance is highlighted and destroyed or turned back on the individual. I find that most people don’t want to prove someone wrong but to have their feelings acknowledged and justified or at least justify that they are feeling a certain way (whether that is based on reality or a misunderstanding of reality is not important in the initial reaction). I have observed a loss of leadership when the steam roller pushes over and individual and moves on without giving an appropriate amount of voice to a concern or at least set up time later for greater discussion. The main thing I think that is communicated is that your feelings are not important to the steamroller. If they do not care about your feelings, then do they care about your thoughts and are they considering how to best lead you? The answer is no.
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